To My Loyal Followers

I haven't anything on my mind lately. I haven't been out all week and nothing's been floating around in the back of my mind. So I'm just typing this to let my followers know about this, also to update my blog for school.

Amon Amarth - Modern Day Viking Musicians

Amon Amarth as Wikipedia says "The band bases most of their songs on Norse mythology, the Viking Age, and the pre-Christian world." "Amon Amarth is a Viking-themed melodic death metal band from Tumba, Sweden."

Their slowly becoming a new favorite because they sing about the viking days as aforementioned. Their heavy, fast and over the top.

Here's some song links;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thncKLG3sRs&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJF9yfuExCU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhptP8j-t-M&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPRt6Tt6RyM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eABVwEgzIss

Keep your mind open about new music. Listen, like, dislike, love or hate, does not matter, let me hear your opinion. Stay heavy, have fun and feel great about music, let it flow through you like the blood in your veins any time of day.

A Good Friend Of Mine, =, < or > To An Orb Of Light?

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT TO BAD MOUTH MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MY FRIEND, I AM NOT COMPLAINING, BITCHING OR WHINING ABOUT THE STATUS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP. I AM GLAD I HAVE DEVELOPED THIS FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS PERSON AND I HOPE TO NEVER RUIN THAT.

So as I sit here this Monday night, I can't help but wonder. And I wonder if I'm utilizing my time properly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about how I'm using my time, and I don't regret any of the things I've done, recently. And I certainly don't feel what I've done in the past month or so was or is the wrong thing to do. But I can't help but see it as, chasing a little orb of light that catches my attention and I run for it, chase it (not literally you pricks, don't laugh) but go after it and no matter how close I get or how far I drop behind, I still see it and go after it. But even if it seems like I'm within reach, I can't grasp it. I feel like no matter how hard I try I'll never be able to get a hold of this orb and hold it for myself and look at it and just have my time with it. At this moment I think I'm still chasing it, but almost ready to give up on it. I don't want to because I feel like it would be unethical and not the right thing to do. So let's take it away from the whole analogy thing, shall we?

What this comes down to is I like a girl. And we're good friends, I believe. But she's going out with someone already and has been for a while now (like 4 years). And at first I felt like I had a chance at maybe getting to know her well and maybe going out with her. To refer back to the analogy, this would be the orb catching my attention. But now after a few weeks of hanging out with her more and more often and meeting the guy she's been dating for so long and seeing how their relationship plays out I feel like I'm going to look back at this and think I wasted my time chasing something that was never really obtainable by me, ever. But I refuse to end the chase, or drop this girl as my friend because of it. Because I don't feel I'm wasting my time now, or have been. And maybe who knows, in the future, maybe near, maybe far, but however long, they break up and then who will she have, kind of thing, right? So I wanna be there for her if/when that happens and find myself regretting quitting the chase so long ago because I thought it wasn't worth it. But again I don't want to wait around and find out I've spent unnecessary time waiting for this failed relationship. As I've said before, I don't feel like I have better things to do and I'm definitely enjoying my time I spend with her.

Maybe this is all just feeding from a recent experience I've had. Where I met a girl very early on in school and by the end of my elementary-hood I found out it wasn't going to work out between us. Or maybe it comes from my want to have something like that with someone so bad, that girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with someone. The security of knowing someone other then your family will always be there for you, to help you along, someone you can run to no matter what the situation and will always love you and feel for you no matter how bad things get. And maybe it's that want for that kind of relationship resurfacing because I've recently met my aforementioned friend's boyfriend and kinda see what it's like to be going out with someone and seeing what it's like to go out with someone as special as I feel this friend of mine is. So maybe this is all self-induced and not worth wasting anyone else's time with because it all my own jibberish that nobody gives a fuck about or cares to hear or pay attention to.

All for now,
Crunch.

Valentine's Day

With Valentine's Day around the corner, officially here in an hour and 10 minutes by my clock, I thought I'd share my thought and some pictures I found.

I'm a single guy who once felt on top of the world for only 3 months or so, no matter how worthy or not, I did. Anyway, since then I've been single and seeing still other couples all happy and cheerful and all that shit. And I can't help but think, "You lucky SOB, happier then a big in shit. I wish I had something like that with someone. Someone to go to when I have problems, someone that comes to me when they have problems." Something to that effect. So when Valentine's comes around and all the bull that goes along with the couples and the romance and all that sappy, corny stuff, it just exaggerates that want, that sort of hole I have for something like that.

Because of this I really dislike Valentine's Day and I don't think it's necessary. But I think too, that if I was going out with someone I'd be totally into it.

Here are some pictures - I can relate. Just in case you can't read them I'll caption them.
"Valentine's Day SUCKS. I'm only saying this because I'm single and bitter. If I was in a relationship, I'd be all hearts-and-candy-tastic, I assure you."




"One day in February isn't special. But you are."

"Happy Saturday (I don't need an official day to tell you how I feel.)"

"This is February 14th, I'm probably going to come home and make some food and then faff about on Facebook for a bit and IM with a couple of friends maybe write on my blog and look up some random shit on Wikipedia or whatever and I doubt I'll even register there's anything particularly significant about the day because I'm not a brainwashed, vapid, sheeplike moron."

"Bollocks to Valentine's Day"

I don't Want To Associate Myself With Those People.

Sunday early afternoon. The past couple nights I was up with an awesome friend of mine all night. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining about it - those couple nights were great. Of course I had a couple of those sappy little thoughts that aren't really worth talking about, but I also learned some things and I think (and hope) we tightened up our friendship (quite a bit). And now, looking back, all I can think is I don't want to lose that family as friends for as long as I live, for a couple of reasons. One I'd hate to be on their bad side. But secondly, and mainly - my friend has been through to much shit and to much heart-ache, and unnecessary pain and just to much negativity all around from people getting her into things that were bad for her and then once they got her into a basically self-helpless situation, they ditched her. Leaving her to quiver and shake with what problems people put her in. I'm not going into detail because, it's not my business or place to say. But because of what I can get from her past and lost friendships and assholes treating her like dirt, I don't want our friendship to die because of some stupid fight we have that really had no reason being fought. I don't want it to die because she's an amazing person who still offers love and care to everyone she meets, even though some prick has left his horrible mark and she doesn't deserve another friend lost. She doesn't deserve another person getting her into absolute bullshit and trouble and problems that nobody deserves or should have to deal with, never mind her and everything she's been through. Never do I want to be a part of that group who has made her life worse, not better.

More Friends Like You

Sitting here on a Tuesday night, wasting my time, wanting to do something with a particular group of friends. And I thought, "Why is it just those group of friends?" And I thought about it.. then I thought "Why does this not apply to all my friends? Why is it that only a certain set of friends the ones I want to hang out with? Why aren't there more friends like that little circle or group of friends?" Anyway, those are my current thoughts on the topic. Will be back with more when I have it.


Crunch.

Just wanna put it out there, have it in writing - not in my head.

Hopefully I won't get beaked about this. But this kinda goes along with "Got me thinking..". It's 11:40pm Thursday and I just got home from watching a movie at a friends place. Now, this friend is a girl, a good looking one in my opinion, whom I have lots of fun with and I feel I can go to her about anything. Anyways, while watching Step Brothers, or just getting it started, I found myself wanting to say "I wish I was the one that could put his arm around your shoulders." or something to that effect. Unfortunately this happens to be the same friend referred to in an earlier blog, who has a boyfriend and has had for a long time. Because of this I feel restricted, bounded, or limited as to what I can say to her, stuff about how I really feel and have it stick and mean something. I feel this way because she's already going out with someone and I don't wanna put her in an awkward situation or give her an awkward feeling when she's around me because I've "said to much" or told her what's on my mind about her.

As for now, this is all.
Crunch.