A Good Friend Of Mine, =, < or > To An Orb Of Light?

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT TO BAD MOUTH MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MY FRIEND, I AM NOT COMPLAINING, BITCHING OR WHINING ABOUT THE STATUS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP. I AM GLAD I HAVE DEVELOPED THIS FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS PERSON AND I HOPE TO NEVER RUIN THAT.

So as I sit here this Monday night, I can't help but wonder. And I wonder if I'm utilizing my time properly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about how I'm using my time, and I don't regret any of the things I've done, recently. And I certainly don't feel what I've done in the past month or so was or is the wrong thing to do. But I can't help but see it as, chasing a little orb of light that catches my attention and I run for it, chase it (not literally you pricks, don't laugh) but go after it and no matter how close I get or how far I drop behind, I still see it and go after it. But even if it seems like I'm within reach, I can't grasp it. I feel like no matter how hard I try I'll never be able to get a hold of this orb and hold it for myself and look at it and just have my time with it. At this moment I think I'm still chasing it, but almost ready to give up on it. I don't want to because I feel like it would be unethical and not the right thing to do. So let's take it away from the whole analogy thing, shall we?

What this comes down to is I like a girl. And we're good friends, I believe. But she's going out with someone already and has been for a while now (like 4 years). And at first I felt like I had a chance at maybe getting to know her well and maybe going out with her. To refer back to the analogy, this would be the orb catching my attention. But now after a few weeks of hanging out with her more and more often and meeting the guy she's been dating for so long and seeing how their relationship plays out I feel like I'm going to look back at this and think I wasted my time chasing something that was never really obtainable by me, ever. But I refuse to end the chase, or drop this girl as my friend because of it. Because I don't feel I'm wasting my time now, or have been. And maybe who knows, in the future, maybe near, maybe far, but however long, they break up and then who will she have, kind of thing, right? So I wanna be there for her if/when that happens and find myself regretting quitting the chase so long ago because I thought it wasn't worth it. But again I don't want to wait around and find out I've spent unnecessary time waiting for this failed relationship. As I've said before, I don't feel like I have better things to do and I'm definitely enjoying my time I spend with her.

Maybe this is all just feeding from a recent experience I've had. Where I met a girl very early on in school and by the end of my elementary-hood I found out it wasn't going to work out between us. Or maybe it comes from my want to have something like that with someone so bad, that girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with someone. The security of knowing someone other then your family will always be there for you, to help you along, someone you can run to no matter what the situation and will always love you and feel for you no matter how bad things get. And maybe it's that want for that kind of relationship resurfacing because I've recently met my aforementioned friend's boyfriend and kinda see what it's like to be going out with someone and seeing what it's like to go out with someone as special as I feel this friend of mine is. So maybe this is all self-induced and not worth wasting anyone else's time with because it all my own jibberish that nobody gives a fuck about or cares to hear or pay attention to.

All for now,
Crunch.